So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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