im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
