You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
