I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
