I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
