I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think a kid would responsible me up
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
