she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
