I cockslap morals
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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