first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize