Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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