Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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