I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
