he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
