I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
