You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
They have beer where we have blood.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
