and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize