why didn't you poke me back
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
