Already got asked if we're dating
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
