I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
