If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
