also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
