One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
