just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
