I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The Olympian is in my bed
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
