Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
