I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize