Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
