those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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