Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
