I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
