Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
