you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
