My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
