dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Hippo gnu deer
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
