i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
