so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
