I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
