ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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