Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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