If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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