My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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