Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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