i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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