My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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