stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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