his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
