I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
