I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
