I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
