I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize