sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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