dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
