I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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