my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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