I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize