She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
