If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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