Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
