Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
