I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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