So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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