I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i black out too much to be "responsible"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
