Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
