Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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