Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
