i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The ass gains better be worth it
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize