if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
