Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
