Who wears a wallet chain?!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Randomize